My finger is literally hovering over the post button wondering if I should post this. Though to some it may seem like nothing this post is everything I have been feeling for the past few years at uni and and worried whether to let it out in the open. It is personal, raw and slightly embarrassing to admit.
Im now coming into my third year and am starting to feel a storm rising. This is it. The final year, the one that makes all the difference and will eventually make my grade. This is a complicated year, one which I know will be the most challenging yet as this is the only year where my grades count, it is also the year that I am writing a 10,000 word thesis in pretty much the space of one term, work on an “industry” project which I know nothing about and write and complete a Final Major Project.
The thesis seems to be the most solid plan as I have a full idea, have researched books and actually enjoy what I’m planning to do. However the Final Major project is a huge worry. It is fully based on how I design and the truth is I don’t really know, sure I understand grids and know colour schemes, I can make a typeface and create a theme but I don’t feel I have a personal style. I don’t even know if I like graphic design anymore, this course has literally made me realise that it probably isn’t for me.
Towards the end of my first year I was sure to quit, I was in tears every day suffering from anxiety, feeling I wasn’t “good enough” and I managed to pull through. After seeing many people and having a good think I decided to carry on. I couldn’t quit, I couldn’t afford to quit. I felt like not only it would waste money that I honestly don’t have anyway but also felt it would constantly play on my mind. So I pulled through and started the second year which I admit was a lot better (maybe not only due to being used to the environment but also due to several Dr’s visits) I carried on with decreased anxiety and less panics.
At the end of the day I come to realise university is tough, no matter how many people say it’s fine, it isn’t. A level tutors who say that university is easier than A levels are lying. Those who fly through with no bumps in the road are either extremely lucky or simply not telling the whole story. We all have problems and stresses.
Im not even sure why I’m writing this mortifying blog post, maybe to vent some issues or simply to let someone else in this situation know they are not alone. That everyone feels stress and that it’s important not to give up. i still get the feelings of not being “good enough” and maybe these will never truly go away, all I can do is push through.
Anyone who reads this and has the same feelings, I challenge you to also write a post or confession. I’d love to hear how many people going through this. Plus sharing stories may help those who are struggling as